Ninyn

This might be something that comes natural to plenty of us, but I've only learned to start doing it this year.

Creating your own little moments.

I noticed that often people would describe me as, or pick up on the fact that I was often stressed, rushing, always doing something. Never taking the time for myself, never taking the time to recharge.

It's true. I would always be busy doing something, I would always have something on my mind that I still needed to do, or worry about some other thing. And hey, I still do these things! I've just learned to apply structure to them.

This structure. It's actually not quite structured (of course it isn't, me and routine? ha! no.).
My weeks are still a mess and I still live day by day, but with these simple steps I've applied, there's more of an overview, I'm not rushing from point A to C to come back to B again, and my mind is so. much. more. at. ease.

Here it comes, my chaotic mess of a structure which I call

"Mandatory (albeit rather messy and could always be structured a bit better) Moments "

Making the right choice doesn't always necessarily mean the most fun one, the most wealthy one or the worst one. They're there to teach you a lesson, to give you a new perspective, or to confirm that you've done things right since the start.

When I decided to work full-time for a year before going to University, there were some that advised me against it. I would "get used to having a free schedule", or "get used to the amount of money". Taking a break year before going back to school was one of the best decisions of my life. I learned quite a few valuable lessons, like being independent, being reasonable, and being responsible.

The first year of University was such an eye-opener. Thoughts and habits that I had for years, which I thought were strange or useless, turned out to be incredibly relevant and appreciated in this line of work. Not only did I enjoy what I was doing, I also turned out to be pretty good at it!

Aside of that, I met a bunch of people who turned out to become the best friends I've had in my life. I've never met such an inspiring group of people who continue to inspire me each moment I spend with them. I'm super grateful for being in a place like this where I feel I get to be myself every single day.

I completely forgot about this photo, but I want to share it (for the giggles!). It's me in the first month of University building my first paper prototype of a game. When I presented it, I scored a 9 out of 10. For me, that was the confirmation I needed. It didn't take hours of cracking my skull studying material (which is great fun too!), but it took me doing something that felt like I was using my skills intuitively.

I made the right choice. :)

Liefs,

I'm sitting at the train station, reading my new book which I bought earlier this week. It discusses the combination of psychology and neurology, about depersonalisation, losing oneself or forgetting loved ones and surroundings entirely.

A lady passes me by, she's got beautiful brown wavy hair, combining perfectly with her bright red coat. She gives me a smile and I return one. I overhear her conversation with a loved one on the phone, telling them to be careful and that she loves them. She has an accent, there's something unique and touching about it. I smirk.
In 25 minutes time of waiting at the station, it's announced up to three times that in both different directions someone had thrown themselves in front of a train. It scares me how absolutely numb my response to this news is. There's not the faintest twitch or change in my expression. I don't know these people, I don't know if it was an accident, and I don't know if it was deliberate.
I wonder where this numbness comes from, and what my reasoning behind it is. Is it because we're exposed to this type of news every day? Is it a self defense mechanism? Or is it that I truly do not care?
Someone just lost their father, or their daughter, or their uncle or grandmother. Or someone didn't lose anyone at all and that's what drove them to do it. I'm not sure if I'm capable of describing how I feel about someone robbing themselves of their own lives.
When we're often encouraged to do what's best for us, what happens if someone feels this is best for them?

We were freezing, it was getting dark, and after driving around for quite some time we were getting ready to pitch our tents.

It was kind of scary, since officially we were not allowed to camp in this area.

"Let's just do it."

The tents were up. The lights of the castle were still on. It was getting colder and colder, so I layered up. Wearing my leggings, hiking trousers and pajamas, three pairs of socks, gloves, a cardigan and a coat, I was still freezing (On an August night, mind you!). I wiggled my toes inside my hiking boots, I kept fidgeting with my hands just to keep them warm.

We stared into the sky. I've never seen as many falling stars in such a short time. It's a memory I will never forget. As my mind wandered away, the stars suddenly turned even brighter. It startled me.

The castle was suddenly surrounded in complete darkness.

There were no lights anywhere, except for the stars above us.


I'll get to relive your beauty again in April.

I forgot how capable I am of being alone. I forgot how much I love solitude. I forgot how much I love simplicity.

With a, *gasp*, steady four and a half months of no relationship, I'm slowly finding out what type of person I was before all of this. It's a weird experience when you pick up on traits in yourself that you haven't seen in close to ten years.

I forgot that I just like people. I genuinely like people and I like hearing about their day, about their lives, about the things they've been through.

I forgot that I like helping people. For no reason other than seeing their growth, their gratefulness and their happiness.

I dislike being used, I dislike people being rude and mean.

I love honesty. I love people being genuine.

I've done stupid things myself and stupid things have been done to me, but that doesn't mean I'll turn into a bitter spiteful person. I'm not going to close myself off in just "wanting to be safe" or preventing myself from making mistakes.

The difference between being genuinely kind and being a pushover is immense, yet from the outside it might seem like the exact same thing.

Kindness is something that should be on the top of your list. I'm not one to give up, not on goals, not on people, and not on things that are lost.

Kindness is something that goes without saying, and I hereby challenge you to perform an act of kindness at least once everyday! Tell someone they look nice, tell someone they did a good job in their work, get someone you like a coffee, help a friend in need, or just hug someone!

I forgot that I am not a pushover.

I forgot, but I remember now!

Liefs.

Hi! There's a LOT on my mind, but I'm going to try and keep it short.

It's funny how you can create non-existent situations in your head, up to the point where you're so angry or stressed out when nothing has even happened or will happen. For the past couple of days, I've gotten stuck in my what I like to call "stupid loop of negativity".

Things get on my nerves quicker than they normally do. I get sloppy sometimes (a bit too often). I know why: I'm stressing over trivial stuff. Time to sit back, get them perspective goggles in my face, and realise that what I'm stressing over has no use to stress over at all!

I'm happy. I'm happy where I am, I'm happy with who I'm with, I'm happy with what I've achieved so far. That doesn't mean that I get to be lazy and stop doing whatever I'm doing. Happiness takes work. Happiness takes commitment. It's not a feeling that will be handed to you. Happiness is opportunities. Happiness is taking chances. Happiness is facing your fears.

In short:
"It’s a very basic principle: if you’re not satisfied with what life has to offer, then reshape it according to what you want. And don’t let anyone tell you what to do." 

Sometimes I get a little silly and worry too much over trivial things. I'm going to hold on to my deliberate ways, and not worry about what anyone else thinks of it.

Liefs