I haven't written a real reflective blog since new year's. Life has been busy and chaotic. I've been trying to find my routine again and I've been worrying about a number of things.
What it comes down to, really, is that I'm scared.
In two an a half months my internship is coming to an end and I will be moving to Skövde officially as an employee of Coffee Stain Studios. I've been living here for 8 months now, but I moved here knowing that it'd be for a year, not having any expectations of it lasting longer.
It's not that I don't want to move here, it's just the thought of not knowing how long I'll be here. I love everything about working for this company, the people are so incredibly good-spirited and kindhearted. Still, when you sign up for University, or in this case for an internship, it's always with the knowledge of it being for an X amount of time.
What am I scared of exactly? The natural things, really. Will I see my friends and family enough? Will they know I deeply care about them despite being in another country? Am I making the right decision or will I be missing out on things I could've had if I decided something else? Am I good enough for this job? Am I being too selfish? For how long will I be here? What is my next goal? Am I able to make friends here without neglecting the friends I have back home? Will my relationship with Birk survive? (thankfully the least of my worries!)
I feel incredibly lucky that I've been given this opportunity, if one could measure life's challenges I've certainly had 'harder' challenges thrown at me. I don't think I've ever been this afraid though!
The last few nights of sleep have been filled with odd and painful nightmares; losing people I care about, being hurt, or hurting others unintentionally. Right now it's a waiting game for my Swedish ID and an apartment. Anyone that knows me well enough knows waiting is one of my weaker points.
To get my focus in the right direction again I've picked up writing, meditation and yoga. It has been helping, a bit. Living with Hannah is also a blessing I thought I'd never experience. (Really, when we met in 2013, anyone that would've told us that we would end up living together in Sweden 4 years from now would've been deemed a madman!)
Anyhow: onwards with work, D&D, pancake mornings, pizza evenings, game nights and hopefully soon cat cuddles as well.
Liefs, x.
(Have another song!)
What it comes down to, really, is that I'm scared.
In two an a half months my internship is coming to an end and I will be moving to Skövde officially as an employee of Coffee Stain Studios. I've been living here for 8 months now, but I moved here knowing that it'd be for a year, not having any expectations of it lasting longer.
It's not that I don't want to move here, it's just the thought of not knowing how long I'll be here. I love everything about working for this company, the people are so incredibly good-spirited and kindhearted. Still, when you sign up for University, or in this case for an internship, it's always with the knowledge of it being for an X amount of time.
What am I scared of exactly? The natural things, really. Will I see my friends and family enough? Will they know I deeply care about them despite being in another country? Am I making the right decision or will I be missing out on things I could've had if I decided something else? Am I good enough for this job? Am I being too selfish? For how long will I be here? What is my next goal? Am I able to make friends here without neglecting the friends I have back home? Will my relationship with Birk survive? (thankfully the least of my worries!)
I feel incredibly lucky that I've been given this opportunity, if one could measure life's challenges I've certainly had 'harder' challenges thrown at me. I don't think I've ever been this afraid though!
The last few nights of sleep have been filled with odd and painful nightmares; losing people I care about, being hurt, or hurting others unintentionally. Right now it's a waiting game for my Swedish ID and an apartment. Anyone that knows me well enough knows waiting is one of my weaker points.
To get my focus in the right direction again I've picked up writing, meditation and yoga. It has been helping, a bit. Living with Hannah is also a blessing I thought I'd never experience. (Really, when we met in 2013, anyone that would've told us that we would end up living together in Sweden 4 years from now would've been deemed a madman!)
Anyhow: onwards with work, D&D, pancake mornings, pizza evenings, game nights and hopefully soon cat cuddles as well.
Liefs, x.
(Have another song!)
