Ninyn

Internship

Ka-pow! The first 8 weeks of my internship have gone by. Flew by, to be honest. I'm feeling pretty good where I am, and with what I'm doing. Despite knowing that I'd move away from home. the furthest I've ever been from the people I love, those first few weeks here were terrifying. It's an incredible sensation to tackle the things that you fear. Going abroad was something I had wanted to do for the last 8 years, and I'm incredibly grateful with when and how things are going.

Now that the first 8 weeks of internship are over, it means I am getting my mid-term assessment next week. I feel nervous, and there will always be this voice of insecurity in the back of my head, but step by step I'm learning to listen to that voice within reason. Up next:

Worry and Let Go

Long Distance Relationship

Giving a shit while not giving a shit

Some years ago, I was described as 'people-pleaser'. And there was definitely a truth to that statement. Being afraid to voice my opinion, because my opinion would cause conflict, and conflict would cause confrontation, and confrontation would cause arguements, and arguements would mean fighting. It was easier to just nod, and agree. At least, that was how my brain worked back then. (It didn't take long before I got into conflicting situations, since, well, you simply can't agree with everyone and everything without causing conflict someplace.)

I do things because I care. Because I want it to be good. I want it to make sense. I want it to be worth someones time, effort, or even so much as someones thought. I do things because I just want to do it, regardless of anyone's opinion on the matter.

It's an art to give a shit while not giving a shit. Being able to say, no, I do not agree with your opinion, but thanks for sharing; still caring enough to acknowledge someone else's opinion without invalidating it.

Doing the things you love without becoming reliable on comfort zones

Comfort. The eternal love-hate relationship of (my) life. On some days I wonder why I didn't pick something simple to spend at least 40 hours per week of a large portion of my life on, until I realise I'd probably lose my mind if I had to do the exact same job every single day. Is there anyone at all that feels genuinely certain about their career choice(s)?

Accepting anxiety

Hello anxiety, it's good to see you again. I genuinely mean it. I didn't have any anxiety attacks for a while, but since the move to Sweden I've had a few again. It made me talk with people, it made me open up to people. It meant I had to make myself vulnerable to get over it. I suppose this connects with my thoughts on comfort zones. I love being comfortable - for a while. There's this fine line, where if things get too comfortable I start feeling empty. Being here is a great refreshment. It's teaching me a lot about myself, about where that fine line begins and ends.

In other news,

Life is pretty fucking awesome! I finished reading the book 'More Fool Me' by Stephen Fry, and I'd like to end this blog entry with how he ended his book.

'If days be good, they shall pass, which is a lowering thought. If they be bad, they shall pass, which is cheering. I suppose it is enough to know this and cling on to it for some small comfort when confronted by the irredeemable and senseless folly of the world.'

Liefs, x.

Well, September flew by like crazy. It seems quite funny that all the things I'd been worrying or stressing about on end now feel like it was a walk in the park. (despite having learned a lot about trusting my gut, I think I could do with trusting it a bit more.)

My first month in Sweden has been absolutely fantastic. Still figuring out my routine but it's getting there! What I need to learn most is how to live with this thing called 'I'm-still-kind-of-a-poor-student-budget', while still keeping up with the social activities that I really don't want to miss out on. 

This weekend I went out for the first time to a different city, which was around a 3 hour car drive to a place called Västerås where we went to the Retro Gathering. I got a super cute membership card which has my nickname on it. A memento for all times! 
We stayed in a hotel on the 7th floor, and I managed to got a pretty picture around sunrise.



As I mentioned before, my budget wasn't that impressive so I had a mental list of things I really wanted to have to not go completely overboard. My loot is the following:


Dino Dini's Kick Off for the NES - Dino Dini was my math teacher in the first year of IGAD. This guy is just so passionate about everything he does, and I truly think it's an admirable quality. His math class was the first one I've ever passed in my life. I think his determination was something that inspired me.

Vagrant Story - An awesome RPG that I have fond memories of, watching my brother play as I was a tad too young (or absentminded) to understand the gameplay. I look forward to playing this one when I get my PS2 back.

Final Fantasy IX - The last one I missed in my Final Fantasy collection, which is now complete! FFIX is up there in my favourites. I never get tired of putting on the soundtrack and dreaming away. (Also, Steiner is the best character.)

A photo with game dev legend Jon Hare - Jon Hare visited our University last year and I remembered being pretty inspired by his story, so at the Retro Gathering I went to see his talk. At the end I started talking with him and he remembered the University. He agreed to do a polaroid photo with me! :)

I loved being at the convention, talking with all kinds of people and finding out where their passion for games comes from. The games industry is still reasonably new, which is why I think it's all the more important to understand who were the people that started this thing we now find ourselves in.

At one point I found a Nintendo 64 with StarFox, and I think I spent around 3 hours playing and completely losing myself in the game. Time well spent!



On the way to the Convention I unfortunately got pretty sick during the car ride, so we'd decided I would take the train back on my own. Train rides are one of my favourite things in life, so it was a blessing in disguise! :)