A little break from GDC posts, I don't want this to turn into a solely-game-dev-oriented blog!

I don't blog as much as I used to, at some point this was a conscious choice, just like I decided to stop making Memory Jars (We've got 2014 to 2017 lined up now, strangely enough they're four jars. I'm good at math, trust me.). However, I did at some point become a 'busyness junkie' and less of a reflective person.

The week in San Francisco not only helped me meet peers and 'masters of their art', it also helped me to be truely alone for the first time in a long time. Most of the parties I went to, I went to alone. I challenged myself to go out there and meet new folks. And it was so extremely rewarding!

Being alone also made me realise that there are parts in my life, that for better or worse, became habitual and were only there to serve my insecurities, my formed habits over the years, my strange addictions and to fill a void. Truth be told, I did not have the best examples in my life as a kid and as a young adult. I'm still learning how to function on a day-by-day basis. I don't know how to relax, I don't know how to let go of things, and I don't know how to not feel bad for making a mistake. I don't know how to do things without having the intention of 'fixing it'. And I certainly don't know how to not feel responsible for things that are not my responsibility.

What I want to learn is to treat my time with value, and with intention. Yoga is something I still do on a daily basis and have been doing for two years now. That is one of the habits I'm most proud of.
One of the habits I'm least proud of is that it seems I still corner myself into 'bad' places. There's still a fear of confrontation, or a fear or not being taken seriously when the confrontation comes. At work, this reflects into me becoming overly stressed and not voicing when things go too far or when I can't see my tasks and their intent with clarity anymore.

I have an intense feeling of responsibility at work. For the quality of the project, for the well-being of team members, for the success of the project. If I were a producer or project-manager, that would've been fine. But I'm the UI designer, and that's where my focus should be. I feel like I've been delivering a lot of half-content due to wanting to do too much and having a feeling it won't be good enough. I've always set my own bar of expectations way too high and it's time for that to stop, because ultimately it's burning me out and it's making me unhappy.

Celebrate little victories, it's the little victories combined that lead to great victories.

'Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.'
W. H. Murray, 1951