I've become so self-conscious lately that self-doubt has almost become a daily procedure. I've gotten afraid of where my choices will lead me. I'm no longer as careless, or care-free, rather. I have trouble believing in myself and my capabilities.
When I look at my older blog-posts, I seemed to be at ease with a lot of things. Taking lifes' moments with a light-hearted attitude. I remember that I shared pretty much 90% of my blog-posts openly, because I never really cared about what others thought of it. Right now I find myself being afraid of so much as even typing the words, not knowing what will be thought of it. It's an odd change and it's one that I wasn't aware of until recently.
Most of it has to do with this part of my life chapter closing and a new one opening, except it feels as if there's a delay in the whole opening part. A delay that I feel I have no control over. A delay that makes me feel insecure and thrown off balance.
Of course, this is a part of growing into the new person you're going to be. This is how you learn. You fall and stumble and life tells you that you need to grow up. I've been in worse situations, I should know how this works. (Probably the stupidest thing I've ever said or typed. Still leaving it in so I can read it back later and laugh at myself.) However, it is how I feel often. And the strange thing is is that I'm fully aware that thoughts like these do not help me. Not one bit.
This is a bit of a wall of text, but what I want to get at here is that I should start feeling okay again to 'openly' be who I am. That I shouldn't be afraid of what kind of comments will appear under my blog or what will be said to me face-to-face. That it should be okay to feel the way that I feel. Blogging brought me so many good things over the years; it made it easier for myself to open up to people. Something that was and still is hard for me.
I intensely miss meaningful conversations.
I intensely miss nonsense conversations.
I miss laughing about nothing at all with my best friend.
Now that I've gotten this out, let's count to three and post. Here's to becoming care-free again.
3.
2.
1.
When I look at my older blog-posts, I seemed to be at ease with a lot of things. Taking lifes' moments with a light-hearted attitude. I remember that I shared pretty much 90% of my blog-posts openly, because I never really cared about what others thought of it. Right now I find myself being afraid of so much as even typing the words, not knowing what will be thought of it. It's an odd change and it's one that I wasn't aware of until recently.
Most of it has to do with this part of my life chapter closing and a new one opening, except it feels as if there's a delay in the whole opening part. A delay that I feel I have no control over. A delay that makes me feel insecure and thrown off balance.
Of course, this is a part of growing into the new person you're going to be. This is how you learn. You fall and stumble and life tells you that you need to grow up. I've been in worse situations, I should know how this works. (Probably the stupidest thing I've ever said or typed. Still leaving it in so I can read it back later and laugh at myself.) However, it is how I feel often. And the strange thing is is that I'm fully aware that thoughts like these do not help me. Not one bit.
This is a bit of a wall of text, but what I want to get at here is that I should start feeling okay again to 'openly' be who I am. That I shouldn't be afraid of what kind of comments will appear under my blog or what will be said to me face-to-face. That it should be okay to feel the way that I feel. Blogging brought me so many good things over the years; it made it easier for myself to open up to people. Something that was and still is hard for me.
I intensely miss meaningful conversations.
I intensely miss nonsense conversations.
I miss laughing about nothing at all with my best friend.
Now that I've gotten this out, let's count to three and post. Here's to becoming care-free again.
3.
2.
1.
