Ninyn

After about 1,5 years, I finally got a PC that can manage running Adobe Premiere and doesn't require me to render for thirty minutes whatever I'm editing every five minutes. So, I've decided to start making little compilation videos of the roadtrip I did through Scotland in 2014.

...there is about 200 gigs of footage.

Every Sunday for the past three weeks I've been doing some sorting and deciding what kind of compilations I'd like to make. Today I finished the first compilation! And as the title says, it's like therapy. For a long time I struggled with giving myself 'me-time' or allowing myself to relax and do nothing. Due to my old pc being a wreck, it only caused me to stress out even more when I worked on editing (in pretty much any type of software, it wouldn't even run Photoshop!). So that lovely day, three weeks ago, when I turned on my new PC (I very fittingly named it The Cheat, in loving memory of sbemail-pc) and started up Adobe Premiere, fond memories returned.

That day, I spent 10 hours on end editing and sorting out footage. I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. My plan is to create around 4 or 5 compilation video of about 1:30 minutes maximum. They're the right length to keep your attention, and it forces me to make a very aware and distinct selection in what footage I would like to show, as I am a fond believer of less is more!

Of course I'm going to close off todays entry with a link to the video. It's such a weird experience to see myself from 1,5 years ago, and how much I've changed not only in my ways but in my appearance as well! Another confirmation of making the right decisions and following the right path. :)

Enjoy the video, and enjoy your Sunday.

Liefs. x

Compilation 1

I was inspired to write this little piece after having read a diary entry about the death of David Bowie.

David Bowie was someone I grew up with. It started out as him playing Jareth, the goblin king in the fantastic movie Labyrinth. Frequently I imagined myself being Sarah - specifically the masked ball scene in her beautiful dress. And I am admitting right now, that Labyrinth is a movie I watch at least once every year. It's also a movie where I can honestly say that it is my favourite movie of all time, no matter how ridiculous people think it is.



My father grew up with David Bowie. At first, he thought Bowie was terrible. That he was a bit of a weirdo. He wasn't entirely sure what to think of it. Until he heard Little Bombadier, and he fell in love with his music.

Ofcourse, David Bowie was something that then became a part of my childhood as well. I'm thankful for being introduced to his amazing work.

I'm so inspired and in love, with how music, art, or in this era, games, can bring people together. It can intertwine emotions and ambitions. People like David Bowie are an inspiration to me - because no matter how often they were told no, or no matter how often they were laughed at, they continued on. Because they believed in it. Because it felt right.
Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to create. I wanted to make people smile. I wanted people to forget about their hectic daily lives, even if it was just for a few seconds. Even though I'm a "grown-up" now, I still love play. I still love escaping the daily obligations we're put up with. I still love daydreaming off into my own worlds of fantasy. Even though I haven't gotten as far as I would've imagined myself at this age, I am not giving up. Creativity is what drives me, and creativity is what keeps me alive.

Thank you David Bowie, for giving us so much of you.

With a lot of exciting things coming up ahead, a lot of things that need to be taken care of, and the worries that come with it, I'm kind of forgetting to live in the present.

Even though I'm working on something every day, sometimes it feels a bit like I'm just rushing through these days to get to the next ones as fast as I can. And that's not necessarily bad! I'd rather look ahead instead of looking back. I just need to remind myself that even though I wish it was 5 months into the future, we're not there now. Not yet!

I've settled on destinations where I'd like to go to, I've done the preparations that were needed, now it's a matter of contacting and doing the actual thing. But I find myself scared again. That feeling of "Are you sure you can do this?", "Are you sure this is what you want?", "Do you realise what you're setting yourself up for?". Yes, I do want this! And yes, I know that I can do this. But still, I get scared.

It's a good feeling, a healthy one. One where I know that I'm alive and that I'm challenging myself time and time again.

So, remind me. I'm here now, and I'll get where I'm supposed to be. "There" will be "now" soon enough (although I don't exactly know where there is).

The world is out there and it's waiting.

Perhaps it wasn't all so bad.

Maybe, all we were intended to be was friends.
Nothing more, nothing less.

Perhaps love was never a thing for us.
Temporarily.

That moment at the train station, perhaps it was meant to be just a kiss.
That moment in the supermarket, perhaps it was meant to be just a glance.
That moment on your sofa, perhaps it was meant to stay just a conversation.
Perhaps the smile you gave me was just recognition.

Maybe, I was meant to be alone.
Carry all this on my own.

I was never meant to hold your hand.
You've got to learn to stand on your own feet now.

My heavy backpack.
My mountain to climb.

I'll let it all go, someday.
Will there be anything left of me, though?

There it is! January 1st, 2016. For the last two weeks, I was just itching to write this post. Itching to open up my memory jar, and itching to create a new one!



And the funny thing is, now that the day is here, I have no clue what to write about. For this post, I did a little test. I wrote a section before opening the memory jar, and I will write a section after opening up the memory jar. Here goes!

Before Opening

2015 was crazy. I've said it before, 2015 felt like a lifetime in one year. So many things changed, and yet so many things stayed the same. I've become a person where I can completely say I love being that person.
People came into my life, some came and went, and some were already there and remained a part of my life. I feel like I've done a lot of growing up in the last year, more on the level of work/life balance and self love.

After Opening

A lot happened in 2015, and opening up that memory jar made me realise how I've truly made the right decisions by listening to my own instinct. By being myself and not feeling ashamed about it. I've met new people and found new opportunities, by just approaching things being myself.

What I never realised is that being your true self might not open as many doors, but they are quality doors (I sound like a carpenter). It all confirms that less is truly more. Focusing on the work, the life, the habits, and the people you want to be around instead of "just doing", will give you so much more.


So, after opening up the jar I noticed that my mind wasn't playing a trick on me. Between January and April, there was nothing "documented". Neither in my mind, nor in my memory jar. They were a strange couple of months, where every day felt like it stood still.

Breaking away and breaking free from my own self-destructive behaviour remains to be the bravest and best decision I've taken in my life. And that little gap in those two months, make a lot of feelings I'm currently having very clear. I needed something to hang on to, and now I've learned that that something is myself.

I'm incredibly thankful for being where I am now. For the people that came into my life, for the people that stayed in my life, and for the ones that came and went. I wouldn't be where I am without the love and support you gave me.