Giving a shit while not giving a shit

Some years ago, I was described as 'people-pleaser'. And there was definitely a truth to that statement. Being afraid to voice my opinion, because my opinion would cause conflict, and conflict would cause confrontation, and confrontation would cause arguements, and arguements would mean fighting. It was easier to just nod, and agree. At least, that was how my brain worked back then. (It didn't take long before I got into conflicting situations, since, well, you simply can't agree with everyone and everything without causing conflict someplace.)

I do things because I care. Because I want it to be good. I want it to make sense. I want it to be worth someones time, effort, or even so much as someones thought. I do things because I just want to do it, regardless of anyone's opinion on the matter.

It's an art to give a shit while not giving a shit. Being able to say, no, I do not agree with your opinion, but thanks for sharing; still caring enough to acknowledge someone else's opinion without invalidating it.

Doing the things you love without becoming reliable on comfort zones

Comfort. The eternal love-hate relationship of (my) life. On some days I wonder why I didn't pick something simple to spend at least 40 hours per week of a large portion of my life on, until I realise I'd probably lose my mind if I had to do the exact same job every single day. Is there anyone at all that feels genuinely certain about their career choice(s)?

Accepting anxiety

Hello anxiety, it's good to see you again. I genuinely mean it. I didn't have any anxiety attacks for a while, but since the move to Sweden I've had a few again. It made me talk with people, it made me open up to people. It meant I had to make myself vulnerable to get over it. I suppose this connects with my thoughts on comfort zones. I love being comfortable - for a while. There's this fine line, where if things get too comfortable I start feeling empty. Being here is a great refreshment. It's teaching me a lot about myself, about where that fine line begins and ends.

In other news,

Life is pretty fucking awesome! I finished reading the book 'More Fool Me' by Stephen Fry, and I'd like to end this blog entry with how he ended his book.

'If days be good, they shall pass, which is a lowering thought. If they be bad, they shall pass, which is cheering. I suppose it is enough to know this and cling on to it for some small comfort when confronted by the irredeemable and senseless folly of the world.'

Liefs, x.